We all tell lies. We tell big ones, small ones, white ones, all kinds. Here’s a common one:
"I am totally completely myself around you," I was told this once. Wanna know how I know he lied? Simple. I listened. He said he felt like he had to be more for me, more manly, less sensitive, stronger, just more.
And me? I might have even told him that too, but honestly, I know I wasn’t. Because here’s the thing, I don’t know who I am, I really don’t. but some nights at 2am I’m the girl who’s sobbing because she doesn’t know who she is. If I could be myself with him, I could be that girl, and I wasn’t, not ever.
It’s a fair lie though. This one like most lies is, as we tell them because we wish they were true. The ultimate form of fake it til you make it I guess. This rarely works with though and all you get is a popped bubble in the end.
It’s that moment when something happens and you know with absolute certainty you’re gonna be just fine.
"The small men…the short ones they have inferiority complex, always trying to you know, over compensate, make up for it, you know,"
Me fresh off a 5’4” break up- “Haha, oh papa I know, believe me I know.”"
One person has the one and the other two are yelling in the background, often at each other, the dog’s barking and then everyone’s yelling, my brother wrestles the phone away from my dad though I can’t hear what he’s saying, my dad’s yelling in the background at me and I can’t hear him either. I can’t hear anyone. It’s just a cacophony of sound and even though I’m only a voice on a phone, I don’t feel alienated from them, my family, on the other side of the line, I feel like I’m right there with them.
Maybe I was stupid for thinking we can have it all, because from what I’ve noticed we only get things after we lose others. Maybe that’s good though, because the things I get I usually needed a hell of a lot more than the ones I’ve lost
This girl is one of my best friends in the entire but last time I leaned on her I found myself hitting the ground pretty hard.
Today, she texted me checking in to see how I was after everything going wrong with some guy.
Here’s the thing I learned: Some people are just bad at loving, they’re scared or maybe they think they don’t know how, maybe they really don’t, but most of us despite everything, we can’t help it. We think people don’t love us a lot of the time because they don’t show it the way we do, but there’s a million things to say I love you, and most of them don’t involve those words.
Today, it was a text message making sure I was okay.
Did I tell you that?
I came in the door a mess, slipped off my heels and climbed up the stairs and the floors creaked, I threw my jacket on the ground and climbed into bed with him and he broke my heart and I can’t stop thinking about how the floors creaked.